September 9th Day Of

Darkness was not a time to have traveled here to Ware, Massachusetts.  The road as we approached became exponentially darker, windier and generally more haunting.  The words, "I'm sure this must be beautiful during the daytime," crept through our lips as a reassurance that we were not in fact going to die at any minute.  Alas, with the grace of a few minutes of battery in our phones and intermittent internet we slowed to the sign that read Agape Community and timidly pulled up the gravel drive.  At no point have I ever felt this much like a city kid until realizing I would be living here for a time.  Kyle, a current resident here, greeted us and led me to a third story room that as a child I would have found to be paradise, and to my dreary eyes, a warm and comforting place to sleep for the night.  The room is about twelve feet square with slanted ceilings on both sides.  A propped window opens up above me on the bed with another overlooking the north of the property.  I could barely see anything tonight but the house is generally cabin-like and quaint and appears to cater to large groups of people given the number of chairs and beds I saw on my walk up the stairs.

I said a quick goodbye to my friends that could have been longer if it lasted a week and walked the two flights to my room where I washed my face and allowed the welling emotion to move forward in my mind.  "I am here for nine months...."  My heart, I will admit with regret, is fearful and anxious.  That being said, my head is looking at my heart and not understanding what is going on.  This is the seclusion I have hoped for and everything from an outside perspective is going quite well.  I will have to wait until morning to let my heart catch up to the reality.  I start to pray but then stop - nothing I want to ask for is something I truly want.  I could say many things about what I think at this point but they would all be changed by morning.  So I rest my judgment for a better time.  It's time I think to put on my headphones and drift away to somewhere else.