The routine we went through our last few years in school was a comfort against the bitterness and angst of life at our age. After class each day I would gather my things, books, computer and notes from the previous day's lectures and walk the quarter mile from the West side of Holy Cross's campus to East side of Notre Dame's across the road. Even before dinner was ready at my own dining hall I fled to the university that was not my own. My campus was a no smoking zone so I would wait till I reached the road dividing the two school's to light up my cig. Then through the outer parking lots, the Rocke gym, Howard Hall, CoMo, Sorin Hall and the grass in front of the golden dome I would smoke away. The trip was so familiar that I would always burn out just as I reached the ashtray in front of Crowley Hall of music where I would bring the pianists I dated to see the Steinway. In the student center I studied what I cared to study (often little to do with my classes) before dinner back at my dorm. By that time I was ready for night, to be in Siegfried sipping wine or rum with Ryan. Starting on Fridays and Saturdays and quickly becoming earlier in the week Ryan and I ritually drank and listened to music at the expense of our well-being, morality and personal finances. It was a way of removing ourselves from misery and sustaining a hobby at the same time. Every hour or so we took a break from the 5.1 surround and Christmas lights that absorbed the room and stumbled downstairs to talk and smoke. The feeling was oftentimes the same - like coming out of a club and becoming overwhelmed by the buzz of silence and desolation of a late campus. It was the perfect time for open discussion. We were drunk. We were quenched with music. We were honest. On one occasion we instituted the discussion of existence and religion. "Why do you believe in god?" I asked. "Because there is music." he said. I couldn't think of a better way to express my love for sound - because it made me believe in god.
I fell for Third Eye Blind before I knew who they were. I was ten and had just purchased a little radio about the size of an iPod and a set of headphones so I could always be in touch with the latest songs. Before discovering that I could listen to whomever I wished without my parents knowing about it all I heard were the 60's and 70's mild rock that my mom and dad bought. On my tiny radio I began tuning into the local college station that allowed cursing and sexual reference without the FCC being aware. At night and under my covers I slipped the right and left channels into my ears and flipped the switch and started scanning. I felt so rebellious. In March of that year Ben Folds released Whatever and Ever Amen, an album that changed my perspective and changed my attitude toward authority. My sister and I had the CD but never let our parents know that some of the songs had cursing or else they would make us throw it away. When they were gone we put the album in and played it through till we learned all the lyrics and every song became a close friend. On my radio my innocent rebellion continued. I heard Jumper and Semi-Charmed Life and Graduate, the songs that introduced everyone to 3EB whether they later admitted liking these songs or not. In 1997 I had no idea that these were all from the same band. My sister, who had an account with BMG (It was all the rage back then) was the one who bought the self titled album. I never heard her play it and probably wouldn't have put it in the CD player even if I saw it because the name sounded so bizarre to me at the time. A third eye sounded grotesque and the fact that it was blind was a little unsettling. My minds eye was catastrophically undereducated and under experienced. My sister apparently didn't like the band and offered it to me one day when she was cleaning out her collection. I don't know why I took it from her but free music and the number of CDs one owned was a status symbol if nothing else. It was the first time I heard Losing A Whole Year, the first song on the first album. I didn't like it - I didn't dislike it. But I heard Jumper and Semi-Charmed Life and How's it Going to Be (another one from the radio) all on one CD from the same band and was instantly swimming with disbelief that these people all created these great songs in one go! And so I continued to listen and eventually sank into the greatness of the surrounding songs. Not one was worth skipping.
Along the same time I was starting my lust of a relationship with music - a love affair like any other that compelled me to hate what I endeared most. I don't know what got into me but I never wanted music to be loud and I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. I missed a lot of concerts my parents attended because I couldn't stand committing to the loud and constant noises. Stomp, a percussion band, came to town but I turned down the offer to go. I deeply regret not going but I later got the chance to see them when my episode passed. In the car my parents would listen to Dave Matthews or other jam bands but I couldn't stand it. Eventually they learned to play it quietly and with the fade toward the front of the car where they were seated. On the oppose extreme, when I was alone in my room, I soaked in the music of the mid to late 90's like a shroud covering me from the outside world, letting me die into beautifully chaotic sounds. Eventually Third Eye Blind released their second album, Blue, and I took to it like I did anything at the time, hating it at first listen so that I could drown in it the second and third and eternal times thereafter. There were songs in the Third Eye Blind collection now to claim them as my favorite band and great influence on life. I was student of scripture under my parents, under my religion and was told that the bible held every answer to every difficulty I could expect. I expected and experienced many difficulties and turned to Christ but only received my answers from the music. I felt different, more able to deal with life after coming out of a session with this band. Their lyrics understood me and and said, "fuck it, there is still beauty in life - so come experience it with us."
By album three, too many years later, I had a full-time job and was jamming with a work buddy, a friend of mine from younger days. He had a drum kit and I had just purchased a cheap, red, faux strat electric guitar. I had borrowed an amp from a friend of a friend who was in prison and couldn't use it for a few years. When I learned he liked Third Eye Blind I went out and bought the sheet music for the first two albums so that we could play a few songs together. We both sang Wounded all the time and wanted to work it out. My respect for the lead guitarist (I hadn't learned the names of the band members yet because I honestly didn't care who they were. I loved the music) rose along with my disappointment that I couldn't on any level play the music that was so eloquently and skillfully laid out on the pages of notes. All of my favorite songs were in different tunings and I hadn't dared try to work them out. I had just started playing guitar and hadn't taken lessons so I sucked and would rather admire the work of the masters than attempt it myself. When Out Of The Vein came out Westley and I waiting outside the doors of Target, missing school, so that we could buy the album. At the time Target released albums half priced on the day of any release and we were poor. It was the first time I anticipated the release of any band and it was exhilarating to be a part of something social, something new in a life moved by seclusion and grey. Though not what I had expected from 3EB, OOTV slowly found resonance with my current affairs and offered me something to scream to when life became difficult. Time passed, I left home, loved a girl - lost a girl and wound up in college. I hadn't listened to 3EB in awhile, having exchanged their voices for the sounds of my new life, love and friends. That first year in school I became ultra-challenged to experience everything, study my brains out and try to get the girl back. Soon I discovered MyTunes Redux and began listen to everything I could get my hands on that wasn't hiphop or rap or country. I often forgot about my favorite band until a few weeks into school when Third Eye Blind came to campus for a show. I went, first row, touched the lead singer's arm, screamed the lyrics and went back to listening to them with new fervor. Time passed again and SJ passed it with me.
Year two came in school and I met Ryan who, unknown to me, was in the front row at the same show the year before. Also unknown to me was that his favorite band was also Third Eye Blind. We didn't like each other at first. The first time I visited his dorm room in Siegfried was awkward and I wanted to leave but I noticed a shirt laying across his chair with familiar words: Third Eye Blind. What? He liked their music. We became instant friends and music was our number one topic. I was still discovering the infinite world of music but it always came back to our favorite and most related songs. We shared the release of new 3EB tunes and the long expected fourth album. At the same time we started befriending fellow fans across the world and talking to them most nights. By year three we were going to shows and meeting members of TVCY and Assembly, two 3EB groups online. I still keep in touch with many of them. Not long ago the band split up and remains as a broken and jaded version of it's former self. I think by now the music is just as jaded and broken. Third Eye Blind is not the most talented band by any measure and they are not who I listen to most anymore but they are a part of my life that can be returned at any moment. When all the other music runs into cacophony and grey I type in the words to iTunes and start at the beginning, Losing A Whole Year. I've lost many years but none of them could sink my passion for a band and sound that stays a backbone to so many experiences. They are entrenched in the playlists of love and hate, struggle and peace. As a friend so eloquently defined: to be added later... apparently.
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